May 18 - Day 7

We are headed to visit Sintra today and it will be an early all day excursion. Set the alarm for 6:45 and when it went off, I was in such a deep sleep that it took me a while to become conscious. Both of us had wakened at about 2 am in the night because the room was hot. I was worried I wouldn't get back to sleep but it wasn't a problem. 

I woke up today feeling lighter and my heavy sadness has shifted, once again. I'm grateful.

On the bus at 8:15 with our tour guide for the day. She talked to us about all the sights on the way and explained a bit about the Palace of Pena our destination in Sintra. This palace was built by a King 500 years ago for his bride who wanted to be someplace cooler and cloudier, like her homeland England. Sintra fits that need. 

The Palace is extraordinary. And the sun gods decided to be nice to us today. We were awarded unbelievable views of the area. We walked through this incredible palace with our tour guide while she explained all the different rooms to us. A portion of the Palace is 500 years old and a portion is from the 19th century.  The main detail I remember about the "modern" family is that she had 11 kids and died having the 11th one. Ten of those kids died because the wet nurse used for them had TB and unknowingly infected all the kids. Life can seem so cruel at times. Made my tragic life feel slightly less tragic. 

After the castle, we drove to Sintra city center. Another incredible village with beautiful shops, buildings and streets. We had some free time here. Walked around enjoying the sights and had some Ginjin - a Portuguese sour cherry liqueur that you drink out of a chocolate mini cup. Ok, that was really good AND fun. You get to eat your cup. 

Back on the bus, we headed to Cascais, a fishing village. On the way, we stopped to admire views of the Atlantic Ocean. Cascais is beautiful with flowers everywhere and a wonderful harbor. Small sandy beaches are peppered around the shoreline and people are actually in the water! It is 63 degrees with a cold wind. I'm in three layers and cannot imagine getting in the water.

We had lunch here and I tried the roasted octopus. Matt got roasted cod and we shared with each other so we both got a taste of each. The food is very good but I'm not sure how much more seafood I need to eat. And I'm pretty sure I don't need to eat octopus again. Maybe not in this lifetime.

Headed back to Lisbon. The day has become sunny and bright and we are starting to finally see sun soaked Portugal. I am feeling like myself today and happy to be alive. So grateful that I continue to return to this state. I will never stop missing David. Never. And his death will never stop feeling tragic and wrong. But I am going to keep living because I am here. And I am not going to waste one day that has been given to me. I'm grateful to be here with Matt. He is a jewel in every way. I do not know if we will have a future together or not. But I am happy to be here with him.

We will have a farewell dinner tonight for those who are headed home and not going on the extension with us. 

Our farewell dinner was lovely. We ate in a traditional Portuguese restaurant that was open only for group. Sat at a very long table. Enjoyed wine, veal and a wonderful apple dessert. My oh my. The eating extravaganza continues. 

I sat by one of the other women and we chatted a bit. I was so saddened to hear that her youngest son had ended his own life three years ago.  Reminded me that we all have struggles. I continue to walk my path of choosing healing, knowing it does not make sense to many in my life. I'm grateful for Matt. He makes this road easier and smoother but I still must walk and having him in my life does add confusion at times. I'll take the confusion in exchange for diminishing of such sadness and darkness. I believe David would understand and I know our love for each other will always be a part of me. I could never repay the kindness and goodness he brought into my life, in a million ways. I will try and repay by living the best life I can.